Blended families
Grandparents Can Help Blended Families Create A Good Mix During the Holidays
by Sunie Levin
“You can’t tell me what to do,” Josh smugly announced. “You are not my real grandfather.” Art, his step grandfather, was hurt and shocked and furious. But he kept his cool. He thought he and his wife got along well with his daughter-in-law’s children from a previous marriage.” But he didn’t. He nearly bit his tongue in two to keep from saying what he wanted to say. Instead, he suggested to his daughter-in-law that Josh and he have a talk about grand children and grandparents and what the entire situation meant for all of them.
Family life for many has been altered by divorce, interfaith marriage and separation by distance. Get togethers and holidays rarely prove joyful times as depicted by the Bradys on TV. More often, as families blend, it produces stress all around. It can be difficult for children in a new family especially when they have been comfortable with rituals and customs that were repeated year after year in their in their former home.
Stepbrothers and stepsisters are strangers, at the beginning. It takes time for them to get to know each other, and everyone is touchy. Rivalry between children of the two families is always either open or lurking below the surface. everyone keeps score, and some feel they are losing.
Stepbrothers and stepsisters are strangers, at the beginning. It takes time for them to get to know each other, and everyone is touchy. Rivalry between children of the two families is always either open or lurking below the surface. everyone keeps score, and some feel they are losing.
The very rituals that each family brings along with them can become an exciting experience. Here’s where grandparents can come in, big time. Grandparents, obviously aren’t the parents, so they have a different status, a different aura. They can help in the melding process by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are and by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are by having two different sets it enhances the holiday experience for everybody.
When there are two different religious cultures involved this can be a minefield, but grandparents can, if they are of a mind to, help the kids see the good points of each faith and that the religions are not adversaries, but rather complementary.
Clearly, it’s important to learn what the parents feel and how they would prefer to deal with the holiday season. Perhaps they would prefer that gifts for one set of kids be wrapped in Christmas paper and Hanukkah wrappings for the other set.
Tomorrow: What can you do? Tips and ideas.
Sunie Levin holds degrees in psychology and education and has lectured and held workshops nationally, appeared on national TV and radio. Her books on grand parenting, and Make New Friends Live Longer
are available at amazon.com and http://www.makenewfriendslivelonger.com